i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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