Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
