My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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