They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
