I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
