My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize