Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
