woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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