i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
