this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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