That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
