I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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