Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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