Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
