Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
