Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
