Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
