I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
