I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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