you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize