i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
