So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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