I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
