return my video game
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
