These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize