Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
