I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he thought i was a dude.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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