She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
