Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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