As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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