Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
