i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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