Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
