member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Can I color on your dick again?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
