just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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