Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
