why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
