Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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