im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
