I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
