Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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