i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
