dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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