I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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