Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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