I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
