Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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