In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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