So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
