She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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