I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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