Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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