Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
