He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
