i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
