Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
