i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
