I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
