How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
