we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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