$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize