there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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