I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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