then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Houston, we have a squirter
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
