Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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