his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize